LONG LOVE, SHORT LIFE
CHAPTER 18
SEE YOU IN HEAVEN, OUR KARMA
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Part 1
The next morning, Dara got up early and pulled his glasses from the pocket of his jacket which hung on the wall next to his wife’s picture, grabbed the newspapers and began to read. He reads from the oldest to newest issues to make he is fully aware of the developing stories from the time he was away. He flipped through the pages and scan read the old articles. He sometimes used his left hand to open the newspapers and his right one to slap the mosquitos from sucking his legs, making a sound as if he was playing table tennis. He was touched greatly by a front page story in a local paper in Khmer along with pictures of the dead and injured protestors although it remained unclear who was to blame as the authorities tried to maintain social and public order. The authorities said they were investigating the cases. He kept reading and turned to the next page, and was even
more shocked to see a lady who had been shot dead in the chest – although the paper did not show a full picture of the victim. The picture of the lady was blurry given the photographer failed to focus properly. Dara was quite sad to see such an incident. He continued reading until he got to the third paragraph on the next page, which provided more details and identified the victim’s name as Duongchan. Dara’s heart pounded. He then rushed to his bedroom and hit his head on the door as he tried to get his mobile to call the newspaper.
He asked the reporter who covered the story to give him some more details apart from what was already published. The reporter, given Dara’s call was at 6.30am, was still in bed and he did not get the point that Dara was asking for, and instead the reporter was shocked and asked ‘what? Another death from the protest? Oh, no!’
Dara replied with a clear voice, ‘No, no. I am sorry to wake you up but I would just like you to provide me a bit more detail about the dead victim you repo
rted on.’
The reporter told Dara from his bed that the body was transported from a hospital in Phnom Penh to her native village on the day after she was shot on the 11th November. Please contact her family in Prasat village, Kiri district in Takeo province. Dara then turned to see his appointments and found that the day she was supposed to meet him and their daughter was the same day she was shot.
He called to Sakura in a trembling voice. She was in the bathroom. Dara asked his daughter to take a quick shower and then come with him to Takeo province now.
Dara’s face turned pale, his hands were shaking and he was shivering as if he had malaria and bore the pain of high fever. He had no energy but packed any personal items he could find in his room. He broke down and sobbed so loudly it could be heard throughout the house. Sakura came running out the bathroom and was shocked when she saw her dad crying so much. Her dad grasped the paper to his chest with one hand and he cleaned his tears with the other.
Sak
ura opened her eyes wide and asked, ‘What happened, daddy?’
‘Your mom was shot dead in Phnom Penh while we waited for her at Angkor,’ said her dad still in tears.
Sakura cried, ‘No. No… it cannot be so. Where are you, mom?’
The usually quiet first floor house where only the dad and daughter lived is now overshadowed by the sounds of sobbing, grief that could be heard by the neighbours.
Dara kept talking to himself as he put on his socks, ‘Duongchan, how did this happen to you? I never ever think this could happen to you at all. This is too much for all of us. Your father was taken away and killed by the Khmer Rouge in war time. But now our country is at peace. You survived the Cold War. Your life should not have ended in such a tragic way. I am so sorry. I am in such pain to hear all this. I am so sorry that our daughter and I cannot help you. We waited for you at Angkor. We had high hopes that you would show up given you booked hotel rooms for us as we found out when we got to Siem Reap. But you never sh
owed up because you had been shot dead. My life is not complete with you. I love you… my love for you never died… we will miss you forever.’
As Dara talked and cried. Sakura almost collapsed. She cried, cried, cried…
The neighbours came to see them and offer their sympathies and condolences while the dad and daughter were in a real rush leaving for Prasat village where Duongchan’s body will be cremated.
Dara drove quite fast on the 130km road bumpy road from Phnom Penh to the village, a journey which normally takes him 1 and a half hours but took far less this time. He sped up even faster when he saw the village from a distance, making the dust flew and swirling behind his car. His heart was pounding and his eyes were full of tears when he saw the tent in front of Duongchan’s mother’s house where the funeral ceremony would be held. As he reached the site, there were only a few people looking after the place while the relatives and neighbours had gone to the Buddhist temple where Duongchan’s body would be c
remated. They got back into the car and drove to the pagoda. They both cried badly over the loss of Duongchan. Dara parked his car near the temple gate and walked with his daughter hand in hand to the cremation site. Sakura cried till she collapsed as Dara held and consoled her.
The smoke from the cremation of Duongchan’s body flew slowly into the sky as if calling her ex-husband and her daughter to come and say farewell to her spirit.
The dad and daughter missed seeing the face of Duongchan before she was cremated. Relatives and friends came to receive the dad and daughter and Duongchan’s new husband and son sat sadly nearby sharing the same feelings of loss.
To be continued …
Part 2
Dara was the only man who had shaved his head before in the Buddhist tradition to show his respect to the spirit of Duongchan. Duongchan’s funeral was over, but her spirit continued to linger around the families, both her old and new ones.
Duongchan’s new husband, Kann Sambo, held his 7-year-old son, Samnang, who was cryin
g horribly. The son, carried flowers and incense in his hands, cried and cried and kept calling his mom to come back to him. Dara and his daughter were exhausted, but they tried to stand up and join hands with relatives and Duongchan’s new family to collect her ashes and remains left over from the funeral. A certain amount of remains, such as teeth and bones were collected and were cleaned with coconut water before putting in an urn made of cement. Duongchan’s name was written on the urn, along with her date of birth and the day she passed away. The urn was then placed at Duongchan’s mom’s house and then followed a seven-day ceremony so that her spirit can live in peace, according to Buddhist beliefs that Khmer people have practised for over a thousand of years.
The next day, the mother of Duongchan and other relatives invited Buddhist monks to bless the spirit of Duongchan to rest in peace, again according to Khmer traditions and beliefs, before placing the urn at the pagoda.
Sakura almost collapsed again
because of the tragic incident which took her mom’s life. Dara held his daughter, saying, ‘be strong, Sakura. I have the same feelings as you. This is our bad Karma.’ They both sobbed. Dara held Sakura with one hand while the other held the urn close to his heart. Duongchan’s new husband, Sambo, who walked behind him with his son cried also as he felt the same loss as Dara. For the first time in eight years, Dara and Sakura were reunited but only with Duongchan’s remains. Many of the crowd sobbed till they lost their voices and looked quite exhausted.
Dara and Sakura sat next to the urn which had been placed by the Buddhist monks. Another lady in her 40s who was a close friend of Duongchan approached and whispered to Dara and Sakura the words Duongchan had said before she passed away, ‘I am sorry sweetheart Dara and beloved Sakura for everything… please accept my apologies of all kinds… Let bygones be bygones of our past days… I might not be able to see you both again… please accept my new family and make fr
iends with them… please bury the past and let life move on… no matter if I survive or die we again are friends in this life and the next life… For Dara, you can write about us all… you can curse and blame me or anything you want… the truth is still the truth…… I love you and Sakura as much as I love my son and my new husband… try to bring whoever shot me to justice.’
Dara and Sakura listened attentively and nodded their heads and thanked Duongchan’s friend for passing on the message.
To honour the words of Duongchan, Dara and Sakura got up and walked to Duongchan’s new husband and the son, saying ‘Hello’ and raising their hands with palms together in ‘Sompas’, as a sign of respect. Duongchan’s new husband and son returned the gesture.
Dara and Duongchan’s new husband did not talk much. For the first time meeting in person, Dara found it difficult to shake hands, but when he thought of Duongchan’s message before she passed away, it made him more at ease with Duongchan’s new family.
Dara talked to Sambo i
n low voice but still with an angry undertone, saying: ‘I forgive you but I do not forget what happened. Even if I fight you, Duongchan will not come back.’
Sakura tugged at her father shirt sleeve to tell him to stop speaking in such a way.
Duongchan’s new husband, Sambo, who stood next to his son, said, ‘Please let bygones be bygones. Look! You have one daughter with Duongchan. I have a son with her. We should be friends.’
‘We are friends, I honour Duongchan’s message to me and Sakura. I have one girl with Duongchan. You have one boy with Duongchan. Our children are innocent and they must not, in any way whatsoever, suffer because of our legacies of love with Duongchan.’
Sambo replied: ‘Yes, we can be friends. Our children can be friends, too.’
Sakura moved closer to Sambo’s son and put her hand on his shoulder like brother and sister.
Sambo stood next to them, and said to Sakura in a soft voice, ‘Let bygones be bygones. Let us bury the past and let life move on…’ Sambo had not yet finished when Dara
interrupted, ‘But just remember that Duongchan’s spirit will not be at peace until her killer and those behind her death are brought to justice. I need your cooperation.’
Sambo responded to Dara by nodding his head in approval.
The sun was about to set. The dark shadows started to cover the village. Birds flew back to their nests. But all the memories that Dara and Duongchan had created since the Cold War era continued to shine. Those memories also continued lingering in his head and heart.
To be continued …
Part 3
That evening there were about 300 people who attended Duongchan’s death ceremony. The Buddhist monks made the last chant and prayed along with blessing her spirit to rest in peace.
The following night, Dara dreamt about Duongchan and that she told him in the dream that, ‘Thanks to you all for honouring and respecting my words. But my spirit will be not at peace until you, Dara, bring me to the trees. My spirit will not be at peace until you help me to bring who shot me to trial. Please accept
my apology in all forms, my lover Dara. And please take care of our daughter Sakura and make my new family your friends. I love all of you. Please treat my son as the younger brother of Sakura. They are both so sweet and beautiful in their own ways. They have shared a mother in me although I have separate loves who are you and my new husband by the power of new Cambodia on old land.’
From the same dream, Dara recalled it was as if Duongchan was still alive and talking to him, telling him, ‘Please bring my remains and bury them under the coconut tree where you wrote my name, remember that? Dara woke up around 2am and cried. He told his mother-in-law and others but no one believed him except his daughter Sakura-who was the only witness when her parents engraved their names on the trees to mark their eternal love.
Sakura helped her dad by trying to convince relatives and friends to bury her mom’s remains under the coconut tree. They finally agreed with Dara and Sakura.
The next morning Dara carried hoes and s
pades on his shoulder and in the other hand he carried fruits, flowers, candle, and incense.
Sakura carried the urn containing the remains of her mother and walked behind her dad as they walked on the path between the rice fields as if they walked with Duongchan on a stairway to heaven.
As they reached the place where the coconut and palm trees were still standing – although the coconut tree had been burned by a lightning strike – Sakura started to clean the site. Dara dug in the ground to make a grave to bury Duongchan’s remains in urn.
It was November 2013. The wind blew from the small stream linking from the mountain, the birds were chirping on the trees, no human voices could be heard except the voices of the father and daughter talking under the hot sun. Dara was tired after more than half an hour digging in the ground. He sipped water and took about ten minutes’ rest before he continued.
Sakura was weak and lay leaning against the trunk of the coconut tree. Dara knew that no-one else can help them,
so he has to get up and keep digging the one-meter by two-meter grave before they will open the urn and spread Duongchan’s remains in the bottom of the grave. Dara told his daughter Sakura, ‘Let me finish this before the sunset. I need to have your mom’s spirit resting in peace before dark.’
Sakura has been constantly exhausted since she heard the horrible news of her mom’s death and has not slept well since. She fell asleep like a baby on the grass near the grave as if her mom’s spirit was consoling her to forget what happened in the past so that Sakura could move on.
The sound of digging woke Sakura. She got up and walked over to her dad. ‘Maybe you should take a break and let me clean the soil that fell into the bottom of the grave.’ Superstitiously speaking, the bottom of the grave should be clean so that the spirit is happy and stays calm in there.
Dara was quite sweaty. He dropped his spade and lay on the ground like he had been knocked down in a boxing ring. He took a deep long breath. He then asked
his daughter to get him some water. He took the bottle of water and poured it into his thirsty mouth as if he had not drunk anything for days.
‘This is our Karma, Sakura,’ he said.
Sakura thanked her dad for his actions toward Duongchan since she passed away. ‘You are more than a loyal husband to mom. I am so grateful to have you as my daddy.’
The burial site was now ready. Dara carried the urn gently and kissed it. He handed it to Sakura to kiss as a way of saying farewell to Duongchan.
‘I love you, mom. Please look after us and we will keep coming to visit you,’ Sakura talked to the urn that held Duongchan’s remains. Her tears dropped on the urn as she kissed it.
Dara reached out to jointly place the urn along with the remains in the centre of the grave. He then placed his picture next to the urn, showing his eternal love for his late wife. His daughter also helped him to fill up the soil into the grave till it looked perfect, followed by placing flowers on the top.
Both knelt down before the grave, o
ffering food, fruit, lit candles, and incense.
Sakura started with a hoarse voice, ‘Mom, I love you as much as I love daddy. May your spirit rest in peace. Please forgive us that we could not help you. I really wanted to see you before I left for the U.S to study. Unfortunately, this did not happen. That bullet killed our long awaited moment. We waited for you at Angkor and we did not know you had been killed in Phnom Penh. Dad and I will fight for justice for you. We promise you this solemnly.’ The daughter then placed flowers on the grave.
Dara started. ‘My darling Duongchan, please rest in peace. Please accept my apology if I mistreated you in the past. I did not mean to do so. I love you forever and we will meet again in the next life again and again as family. No one is perfect in this world. I do not blame you for what happened in the past. The way I treated you was as a result of the power of my love for you’.
To be continued …
Part 4
Dara and Sakura then prostrated themselves before the grave.
D
ara continued. ‘Duongchan, I keep my promise to you. We swore together here before that our love is eternal. We swore before nature here that we will live together till our last minutes. We swore before our daughter that we will meet again and live together again as couple and that even when we died our remains will stay next to each other. Our daughter has heard all these words. Today, Sakura and I honour your words.’ Sakura wept while Dara was talking to Duongchan’s spirit.
‘I will not stay far from you from now on. I am now a monk serving Buddha. Again, if you have any bad Karma, please pass it all to me. I am ready to bear all the pain and burdens for you. I did not blame you for anything, never ever… I understand as a human being why you did what you did. Please rest in peace.’ Dara then sprinkled some water on the grave, blessing and appeasing her spirit.
Sakura who stood next to her dad, again said in her hoarse voice, ‘I thank you mom for everything, and for giving birth to me. I will always listen
to daddy and do good things to respect your spirit. I love you so much mom. I will miss and remember you forever.’
Before leaving the burial site, Dara spoke one last time to Duongchan’s spirit. ‘Goodbye my sweetheart Duongchan. You passed away but your name, love, and all the memories we jointly made continue to shine on in my heart. See you again in the next life darling… see you in heaven.’
They walked slowly back to the village in tears. Dara walked behind his daughter Sakura. They sometimes turned back and looked at the burial site. They walked until they could barely see it from a far distance, but still they felt their love and respect for Duongchan whose spirit now stayed alone under the coconut tree.
The next morning, the father and daughter went to the Buddhist temple to offer foods and cloths to the Buddhist monks through whom, according to Buddhist beliefs, such offerings will reach the spirit of Duongchan. After another night staying in the house of his mother-in-law, Dara and his daughter sai
d their goodbyes to friends and relatives and thanked all of them for arranging the ceremony for the late Duongchan.
Still with sadness in their hearts, they walked slowly to Dara’s old Camry.
At that moment, a close friend of Duongchan ran after them and asked Sakura to wait as she has a letter and necklace that Duongchan had kept in her purse for her journey to meet Dara and Sakura in Siem Reap, a journey she never made. Sakura accepted the items with tears in her eyes as Dara watched. They thanked the lady and Sakura held the letter gently and kissed it.
After they got in the car, she unfolded her mom’s handwritten letter and read it in tears while Dara drove onto road 2 heading back to Phnom Penh.
(Duongchan’s letter which she planned to hand to Sakura when they met in Siem Reap. She had wanted Sakura to read it while she talked to Dara)
Dear lovely daughter Sakura,
I am so thrilled to see you grow fast like a flower, smart and receiving a scholarship to the United States.
I may not have the chance
to tell you my love story with your daddy when I see you in the morning or at lunch time because I will fly back to Phnom Penh shortly afterwards. I cannot change the past, my beloved daughter, but I can recollect all the memories I built with your daddy. If you love me and your daddy, please never let him down. Please listen to him. He is your daddy and your hero. You are still young and you do not know the pain we went through since the day your dad and I fell in love. We both went to high school in the Cold War era in the 1980s. Our love was banned at school. They then separated me from your dad in class. At home, your grandmother, who is my mom, asked me to stop communications with your dad because of our traditional and cultural values and the gap of social status. Once the Cold War collapsed, your dad had to flee home to avoid from being sent to the battlefield to fight the Cambodian resistance, including the Khmer Rouge. Your dad travelled in the middle of a rainy night, although he was terrified by li
ghtning strikes during the dark stormy night. He made his way by cycle on the rocky national road 2 before getting on a train to Phnom Penh and from there he further travelled by train to Battambang province. Then he lived there about 300 km away from me in Takeo province. Your dad fled to live in Battambang because he could not raise a gun and shoot at own Khmer blood who were then Khmer Rouge and Khmer resistance operating in small pockets in areas near the Thai border.
Once the country’s civil war was over, the Paris Peace deal in 1991 brought peace to Cambodia I hoped that would change the mind-set of our parents, who are your grandparents, but it did not work. The parents on both sides still did not agree to our wedding. At one time in 2003 in the countryside under coconut and palm trees, your dad stood like a statue, watching and listening attentively to my conversation with you. The three of us held each other on that sunny day in January while birds singing in the trees mixed with the sound of the wi
nd blowing through the branches. After a moment of silence, your dad said, ‘We live in the free world now. Nothing can prevent nor bring down our love. Love is love, it is not crime. Love is you… You and me… We all three should enjoy what we have. Sakura has us as parents. We are committed to raise you, Sakura, till our final breath. Our strict Khmer tradition is no longer a barrier to our love.’
To be continued …
Part 5
According to Khmer traditional and cultural values, my mom, can only allow me to marry your dad only if his parents allowed us to get engaged. Still, these cultural and traditional values continue to exist in Cambodia’s society today. Your dad’s side has Chinese blood although his father is Khmer. Your dad’s parents wanted him to marry a wealthy woman whom he did not love. At the end of the day, both sets of parents, your grandparents, lost face as your dad and I decided to choose our own path and lived together as husband and wife without marrying from 1993, the year that the U.N. pulled
out from Cambodia.
Your dad kept saying softly and gently to me, ‘This is what we mean by love. Love is not about money, love has nothing to do with powerful ruling people, but love is about caring for each other like we were doing at the time. Your dad’s words continued to linger in my head and heart. I quoted him and said: ‘Some people can make millions of dollars, but they can’t make love to one another. Pure love is something you cannot buy.’
I may not have time to tell you all this as I would love to talk with your dad as much as I can at the lunchtime when I come. I cannot tell you about my love as it’s too much for you as a young girl. But just bear in mind that you should never repeat my past bad experiences.
Please listen to your daddy and you will have a bright future.
Much love,
Your mom, Duongchan.
The miserable Dara seemed to drive so slowly and took more than three hours to reach Phnom Penh. Dara said to his daughter, ‘Please try to forget what happened to your mom. I know it is very diffi
cult for you to forget such a tragedy. Although your mom passed away, her spirit is always with you. Please think of her when you need help. I will be there as well along with your mom’s spirit to support you. This is what I believe. She loves you as much as she loves her son with her new husband. None of us ever thought such a tragedy could happen to your mom. This is our karma.’
He continued. ‘I did not blame your mom, she was just a victim of her own greed, ambition, and romance.’
The father and daughter finally arrived home.
The dad looked at Sakura who looked tired, ‘Please go to bed, you will fly to the U.S. next week. I know what happened to your mom is so painful to all of us. After eight years of separation since your mom left us in 2005 we are now separated from her forever, this time by bullets rather than distance. Your mom died but her cry for justice will never die. I and other victims, as well as other justice lovers, will keep fighting for justice for your mom by bringing the people respons
ible people to stand trial. Your mom’s spirit will not truly rest in peace until her real killers are sentenced and jailed. Sometimes these things take time. No-one ever thought or believed that those responsible for the Killing Fields would ever face justice, yet 21 years after Pol Pot came to power in 1975, the United Nations and the international community helped Cambodia to do so.’
Dara has had poor sleep. Just three days before Sakura is due to leave for the U.S. to study, Dara asked her, ‘I know I should not disturb you as you are about to leave.’
‘Anything you want to say?’ the daughter, who had packed her bags and was now cleaning the house, asked her dad.
‘Well, I am thinking that maybe you could come with me to a Buddhist temple where I will ask a tattooist to tattoo on me to honour your mom. I would love to have a Buddhist monk tattoo on my chest below my heart your mom’s name and her image,’ Dara told his daughter who was so happy to hear this. ‘I will be there and witness an artist do that on
your body in memory of my late mom.’
Dara replied, ‘You are quite right. Your mom’s pictures could disappear someday if not properly cared for, but a tattoo will stay with me forever till I pass away.’
‘You are such a great daddy and a very loyal husband to mom. What you are going to do shows your eternal love for mom. I am sure her spirit will be very happy when she learns about that… and…’ Sakura has not yet finished.
Dara interrupted, ‘On my chest, I would like the monk to tattoo me with your name, Sakura, placed between my name and your mom’s. I want to bear these sweet memories through the whole of my life.’
‘I am so pleased to hear all that. We will live together as daughter, dad, and mom again in the next life if there is one and more to come,’ said Sakura with a smile at her daddy, who in return, smiled in tears.
Source: Agence Kampuchea Presse
